How to Get Him to Open Up
How many times have you asked a man, “What are you thinking right now?” and been met with one of the most amazing conversations of your life? Rarely, right? That’s because as direct as men like to be, they don’t like it when the tables are turned. Men don’t share their emotions in the same way that women do, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t have emotions at all. Men are human too! If you are trying to figure out your man a little better or are trying to get a new man to open up a bit more, all you need to know is how to tap into that place that will make him open up without making him sweat. Here’s how.
- Be the first to open up. The science behind this revelation rests in the fact that men won’t pursue or open up to someone who won’t do the same in return. If you are too busy playing the cool girl, the hard-to-get one, he’s not going to reveal himself to you. If you open up first, you would be surprised at how quickly he will respond. This tells him you are in a safe place with him, and this makes him feel safe enough to open up to you as well.
- Let go of expectations. Opening up to him first is an all-important step, but if you are dropping the “L” bomb for no other reason than to hear it back, he will know your intentions without you having to say another word. And the word will definitely drop like a bomb, all over your heart. Revealing yourself without expecting anything in return is an important step in showing him that you just want him to know how you feel, regardless of his position on the matter.
- Don’t judge him. You would be surprised at the power of one little sentence, “I love how honest you are with me, even when it’s not necessarily what I want to hear.” Love him, warts and all, and he will be that much quicker to give you the same affections in return.
- Listen more, talk less. There’s a saying, “God gave us two ears and one mouth for a reason.” When men know they are being heard and not cut off for someone else to interject their own opinions, they will talk more.
- Give him time. Right after he walks in the door after a 12-hour day at the office is not the time to unleash all of your relationship insecurities. Ask him how his day was, listen for the answer and then tell him to grab a shower or glass of wine and that he can tell you all about it over dinner. The gratitude he will feel will manifest in an open communication that will pleasantly surprise you and bond you together in a way that direct pressure simply won’t.
- Let go of the past. Men know that you have a past; they do too. And they know that in any relationship they haven’t always been perfect either. If you are trying to get him to open up more, constantly reminding him about the boyfriend that was always cheating, or taking every opportunity to remind him how he was late for Aunt Lola’s birthday party, he’s going to hole up faster than a snail who has just been startled.
- Activities rather than planned conversations will go a long way. No relationship has ever changed because of one conversation. If he knows you want to have “the talk,” or any talk for that matter, he will find something else to do. Take him golfing, go for a bike ride or just go for a walk, and he will relax enough to begin sharing with you the things you are eager to hear about him.
When it comes to getting men to talk more, women often forget that means they need to talk less. Men will run from the very first sign of pressure, so learning how to navigate the tough conversations with your man, without showing him any signs of pressure, will be the easiest way to get him to open up. To get him to show his true emotions, create a safe environment by being the first to open up and the first to listen when he takes this important step.